Marriage Separation Advice

Image via Wikipedia

A trial separation is a valid and serious approach to trying to get your marriage back on its feet. However, it does not always result in reconciliation. Often, a trial separation will reveal core differences between individuals and might highlight these to the point that it appears easier for you to end the marriage as opposed to overcoming the differences.

The key to understanding your marital relationship is in recognizing the uniqueness of your situation. You may not have complete control over what is happening around you, but you do have control over how you choose to react to your state of affairs.

Sometimes a separation will reveal that divorce or breaking up will serve a couple better in the long run, the parties involved must understand that it doesn't mean that you have each personally failed. To the contrary, some would see it as more courageous in knowing when to move on rather than fighting your way to a catastrophe.

If You’re Not Ready to Close the Door on Your Spousal Relationship

It's encouraging to know you have options. How will you know whether or not a couple should get back together? Are children involved? If so, then how will this affect them? Will the effects be positive or negative? Are you committed to a better and brighter future or are you resigned to a lifetime of settling for second best? Remember, whatever you both decide will make a difference for the rest of your lives and for the future of your relationship.

Ending a relationship is sometimes the easier option, but is it the best option? What do you need to restore a relationship to vigorous good health? One way is to make time for each other, show appreciation and communicate on a regular basis. Why not learn to laugh again?

Put Matters in Their Proper Perspective

Before you and your partner decide to separate temporarily, both of you should do some homework. Implement the tips and strategies that make a trial separation effective.

Have you made sure that there are guidelines and a structure to govern your trial separation? Have you covered elements such as financial arrangements, childcare and visitation, dating others and regular meetings?

Have you made it clear to each another that a trial separation is beneficial for your relationship and will not necessarily end in divorce or permanent separation? Have you ensured that the trial separation is set up in such a way that it relieves stress from conflict situations in the relationship rather than add to them?

Have you also clarified the purpose of the trial separation and what issues need to be resolved such as personal or relationship issues? Both of you are supposed to work on this. This way, when you do meet, you have a clear agenda for discussion. Having an agenda will relieve false expectations (which causes more stress) and limit unessential issues.

When these objectives are in place, it will be easier for you and your spouse to arrive at an agreeable compromise. Come together after a certain prearranged period of time has passed. Examine your feelings and talk about them. Don't be afraid to be honest and straightforward with one another.

Be Sure of Your Feelings

If handled right, a trial separation will help clarify your feelings for your partner and give you enough reason to reconcile or possibly call it quits. However, give yourself until your agreed time frame to act on these feelings. This allows you time to keep on thinking matters through and if needed, to change your mind.

What to Look For

An important signpost is whether or not a real change has occurred. If, after being apart you feel a renewed sense of attraction to your partner or an eagerness to work things out, then that is a good sign. However, if you find that that your core issues have not been addressed, then it is highly possible that nothing has changed and the old problems may come back to torment you both.

In this case, you need to evaluate if your current amount of effort needs to be increased, or if you both need to rethink your approach to reconciliation. At this point, input from an external third party such as a counselor may offer some valuable insights into possible ways forward.

A New Beginning

To work on reconnecting with your partner, even after a separation, start slow. Take it one date at a time. Resist the temptation to move back in right away. Allow yourselves to get to know one another again, to rebuild trust and intimacy, and to adjust to personal changes that each of you may have taken on.

Learn one another's rhythms again. It is suggested that you take up a common activity that you will both enjoy such as a dance class, hobby, or sport.

Finally, take things easy. Don't expect that things will be perfect. In fact, resist the urge to expect chocolates, roses and romantic soundtracks. All relationships have their share of problems. It’s important that with maturity and self-awareness, you both accept this fact but are still determined to commit and love one another each day, flaws and all.

If you find yourself separated from your partner or if you're looking for more marriage separation advice…
Visit Relationship Recovery

Related articles by Zemanta

• What you need to know about uncontested divorce (divorce-online.co.uk)

To Save Marriage From Disaster

Image via WikipediaTo save marriage from failing after a disastrous or catastrophic event has taken place can seem impossible, but it can be done. There are many times when something horrible has happened in the life of a couple and the stress ends up being too much to endure. This is the time when it's important to know how to save marriage.

The need to learn how to save a marriage may be the result of some tragic event that has occurred. Is the marriage falling apart as you both struggle to deal with what has happened? Sometimes this happens after the death of a loved one. Sometimes this can happen after a wreck. Maybe it was because of some natural disaster or an act of hatred by some unknown entity. It could be due to the loss of a job. Maybe something else happened that caused your world to fall apart.

Listen, there are some very important things you should know about how to save marriage from ending. You need to understand that people act and react differently to events. The most obvious is the differences between how men and women typically deal with things. Some people repress feelings while others are more outward and obvious in their grieving. Understanding this and accepting it will help go a long way in knowing how to save marriage. Don't expect your loved one to react the same way you do.

What's more, you need to know that grief will sometimes bring out the worse in people and negative attributes are often exaggerated. Patience is needed in understanding why some very negative changes take place in their personalities. Don't excuse the behavior and don't let harmful behavior ruin the relationship. Try to understand what is happening.

In both circumstances above, marriage counseling should be considered. Marriage counselors are usually very skillful at helping couples who are struggling through these times. There are resources available and people you can go to for help. You and your partner can get through this.

Here are some suggestions for other things that will help you get through this time:

• Commit to each other. You are going to get through this together. Be a team fully supporting each other and understanding each other. When one is particularly weak at one point, be a friend for them and help shoulder the load. Ask that the same be done for you.

• Grow your support team. Find close friends and family that will help you through this. There is no reason that the two of you should go through this alone. Find a network or a group of people who have gone through similar situations. There is strength in numbers.

• Find a reason to laugh again. Watch a silly sitcom on TV or some stupid funny movie. Watch one of those funny home movie shows for some good laughs. Spend time with fun loving people who you have a good time with laughing will make you feel better and give you a break from your current situation.

You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! The "Save My Marriage Today" course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.

Can you afford to give your marriage only 50%? Don't think so, it takes 100%. Learn what it takes to save your marriage and get the whole package that gives you real results... guaranteed, because your marriage deserves better!
==>Relationship Resources<==

Unhappy Relationship What To Do About It?

Unhappy relationships are an inevitable part of life, their causes are numerous. When a commitment is made and once made it can be hard to leave an unhappy situation. You might feel that you have to stay to support your loved ones. Maybe you're unable to leave for many reasons. You may find that you are making a number of excuses to stay in a situation that is not good for you. Whatever the situation, you choose to stay so why not make an attempt to improve your state of affairs?

If you are facing an unhappy relationship, there are some things you might do. First, you might do nothing and keep things just the way they are. You can continue on your path of misery. Those around you might become miserable, and you may continue along this path until you find yourself in a worse situation. So why does this situation occur? It's the simplest thing to do that’s why. It's easier not to do anything about the situation. It’s too hard to turn a bad partnership or unhappy relationship around. While it may seem noble, is it a bad decision to try and stay?

What Are the Options?

An option which involves staying in the relationship will be to work on the problems that pertain to the unhappy relationship. This step does require a full commitment by both parties. Results of anything less will be bad if not worse than trying to stick it out. Again, this step requires the commitment of your partner as well. This is the most challenging part of the situation but it can lead to the best solution. If your partner is not committed in the repair of your bad relationship, then all attempts to repair it are doomed.

Another possibility is to leave but you already know that this can also be difficult to do because of the expenses involved. If you don’t have a job for instance, how will you support yourself? If your friends or family support your decision, you can possibly stay with then until you can get back on your feet. Let's face it, tough decisions have to be made. Unhappiness, fighting, depression, are all results of an unhappy relationship. This does bring you down, but it will also have a negative effect on those around you as well. So, you have to overcome all that by taking that first step towards resolving the matter. My father would say, "Let us reason together."

Do You Need Help?

If you feel the need, you can seek out the aide of a therapist or a coach. Mental stress in an unhappy relationship can be helped with the aid of a therapist. However, don’t let yourself be talked into taking pills for your problem. That can lead to a whole new set of problems. Society today has a pill for every problem, and that’s a problem! If you need to work on strategies for repairing your situation, then you should instead find a coach. Someone who will work with you to develop strategies to get the success you need.

Take action when faced with an unhappy relationship. You have a choice, stay and repair things with your partner, or move out and move on. Therapists and coaches can provide you technical support, while your family and friends can provide you with the network support you need. All that’s required is an effort to do what you feel is right for you and your loved ones.

If the two of you aren't compatible then it's time for you to move on, no matter how painful it might be. It's simply not healthy for you to reinvent yourself for every relationship you have and it is a good way to find yourself in one abusive relationship after another.

Women

Instead of talking or arguing your way through an issue, try using a more psychological approach. Men respond more positively to your actions. They want to know that they are capable of making you happy. A man who is constantly faced with an upset partner will begin to think there's nothing he can do to make you happy, so he'll withdraw even further from you, even to the point of breaking up.

Women need to remember that men place more value on actions rather than words. This means a woman who constantly tries to get her partner to address problems in the relationship by talking about the issues or arguing about bad behavior is almost certain to see an increase in those negative patterns.

However, if he's faced with a happy, confident partner who is a pleasure to spend time with, he's less likely to withdraw. In fact, he'll likely draw even closer because he enjoys being around you. Men in this situation will often find themselves doing whatever they can to make sure you stay as happy as you were on those occasions. If you find it difficult to raise your self-confidence, then try giving yourself a mini-make over or spend some time doing something you enjoy. When you feel good within yourself, you're more likely to radiate that confidence outwardly as well.

Magic of Makingup

Next Page

Related articles by Zemanta

• Small changes help couples stay happy: 'Love Doctor' (ctv.ca)